Nevermore....

I had this dream,
one of those crazy dreams
a dream where I was in-love with him
and him with me.
yet found out it was lust/infatuation
no real love involved

ever wake with an ever pressing pain of fear in your chest?
As if you if you have no where else to turn but to that one person
that real love is not involved with?
A pain of losing something that's not yours
and will never be yours
yet the pain associated with your love that you know is real
is unbearable.

I woke up sweating.
In the middle of November.
My heat was off due to mother natures indecisions
yet I was sweating
as if I fought a tough battle in my dream
I awoke in a place I find to be my safe haven
but was scared to rise out of my own fear of failure
to ever truly
trust
believe
and love someone again.

*passes mic*

And yet another. . .

In which u stood stood
Staring
I confessed a million things
All the while
You stood
Staring.
Call it a blank stare if you will
Hell, call it whatever type of stare you'd like
But it was a fearful stare
A stare which I hate to speak on


As I walked away
Down that corridor
I begged for your company,
You know the friendly type
The protect you type
Yet you stood
Motionless
As I left you.

I find the way I felt as he stood above me
Was a pain like non other
And when he fled
I vomited up such pain
And bled out scared anger.

And when I turned and looked back
there you were
right where I left you.
Standing
Staring - that blank, cold stare
Emotionless
Mindful of nothing.

A Dream.

I had a dream about my father last night.

It’s quiet vivid now.
He drove past me on my way home from work.

I watched as he turned the car around and pulled over.

I was wearing my yellow sundress.
He got out.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Tonight.”

“Wow.”


I remember him walking away.
I received a phone call.

“You should take Monday and Tuesday off, I’ll stay if you can.”

“Am I supposed to drop my life for you?"

“I’m trying here.”

“Too late.”

I woke up rather sad today and I couldn’t exactly put my finger on why I was feeling so terrible.
I’ve realized why now.

I cried in the bathroom at work a few minutes ago.
I hate to admit that.
I hate to admit that his actions (or lack there of) still bother me.


Fuckyousir.

*dropsmic*