A Small Inspiration

I have a friend that makes me reevaluate a lot of things in my life. Not because he judges it and not because he says I should change, but it’s the advice he gives and the way he presents it that makes it seem like everything he says is directed towards me. And although it’s not, I can relate to it and it makes me want to change.

Change the way I view things. Change the way I handle things. Change the way I let things get to me. I feel like, there is no reason for me not to be happy. There is no reason for me to dwell on things, and no reason for me to just not let go. I have never spoken to him about certain things that I feel I need definite help with, but every piece of advice has directly lead me to help myself out in the problems I’m having.

I feel like I can now pull myself out of a situation while it is happening, and think about it without acting on it [until I’m ready to]. I feel like I’m more able to think things through from different aspects before I explode [haha, cos I do that frequently].

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel like there was anything wrong with me to the point where change was needed, but internally there was [is] and I seem to be having an easier time dealing with things. As if it’s more natural. I’m not trying as hard to understand things, I’m not trying as hard to explain things, I’m simply viewing it differently and dealing with it in a more put together manner. And I know for a fact that I have him to thank for that =)

*drops mic*

Are You Friends with Your Ex?

There is a mini debate going around amongst my friends on this particular topic. Some of them say yes it is possible to be friends; others say it’s impossible and disastrous. I think I may be the only one with mixed feelings about it.

I feel it’s dependant upon the break up. If you’re dating someone for a few months and realize it’s just not working, there’s no reason not to stay friends. If you’re with someone for years and you both agree it’s going nowhere and don’t want to further waste each others time, then friendship is okay. I look at it like; why lose them altogether? You’ve been together for awhile; they’re like your best friend, might as well keep some sort of relationship. [But it’s also obviously dependant upon the individual as well]

Now, here’s where you shouldn’t be friends. Bad breakup? Don’t stay friends. One still has feelings for the other? Don’t stay friends. If you have kids with that person, do not stay friends. *PAUSE* obviously you have to stay amicable for your kid(s) but being friends and hanging out like buddies is not a smart thing to do. No matter what any woman/man says, if you have a child by someone, don’t end up together, see them (or they see you) with another person, all hell will break loose internally and eventually it will blow up externally. Not a good look. Especially for men because they have that whole “I don’t want another man fathering my child.” Yada yada yada. Most of the time when you have a child with someone you invested a lot into that relationship, and obviously thought about a family and marriage with that person. So once that fails, or cheating is involved, or the man (or woman) backs out, there is nothing but resentment. We can pretend there isn’t but there is. It’s there.

Some say that friendship directly after is a no because no matter what there are still feelings involved. But again, if you both love each other but feel its going nowhere; there is no reason not to stay friends. But if one still has feelings and doesn’t want the relationship to end, then it might not be too wise to be friends; at least not right away. Wait for the feelings to subside, and then try a friendship.

And as for me? One ex (sad I know) 2 kids, failed 6yr relationship and he cheated on me with so many people that I’m embarrassed to say the number. I’ve tried telling him that we need to be amicable for the kids; I’ve tried telling him that we can try to be friends because we have too much to lose. But he’s not hearing it. He refuses to see me happy. He refuses to see me with anyone else. And since I told him I was emotionally done with him, he holds the fact that he watches the kids while I work over my head; hence why I can’t cut ties… at least not yet. This is a pure example of not ever having a friendship with this man. He’s caused too much resentment for me to ever consider being friends with him on any level. Amicable? Yes. Friend? Never.



*drops mic*