Oh, time...

tick tock, tick tock.

I'm not much of a fan of time.

"in due time"

everything seems to happen within "due time."

But I don't like it. It's as if you're being mocked.

You know damn well it won't happen, but you say to yourself,

"All in due time, Ashley."

and for some magically delicious reason, that makes it all better.

Well, fuck you very much for not believing a damn word of it.

Now kids, I am not pessimistic. In fact, I'm more positive now than I have ever been

(fuckin ray of sunshine over here!)

but that whole, dissapointment is a product of expectation thing...that right there, gets to me.

Because expectations lead to hope, hope leads to happines, and well, we all wanna be happy, right?

And not that circumstantial happiness bullshit, that changing your actions and keeping that happiness constant, happiness!

but expect not!

For disappointment will ream it's ugly head right up your ugly ass.

Cynisism never looked good on me.

*throws mic*

Just to open up my hands and find out that they're empty...

I've been secretly falling apart.

Inside just doesn't seem right.

I'm afraid that every feeling I'm feeling is wrong.

I've even tried to stop it. Put people in the way to block it.

Rid myself of it.

Ya know, sometimes the last thing you want comes in first.

and how do you handle that?

Just let it be?

But you know me, I can't simply do that.

I've let time run it's course...I've let everything just happen...

and here i am,

doubting every last thing I've waited for.

 

 

 

 

*mic check...* 

Concentration lacking...

My thoughts are running to and fro around every little detail of everything.


Things that shouldn't be there, things that should, and things that I know will eventually come to play.

If I don't have closure to a situation, no matter how minor, I will dwell on it. I will fester in it. I will contemplate it, I will hate it, I will miss it, then eventually, I will force myself to "forget" it.

Ever notice when you naturally forget something, you just forget it?
And when you remember it you may say something like, "oh wow, i can't believe i forgot that!"
But when you force yourself to forget something, you never really forget it.

It sits there.

It's quite taunting, actually.

But it just won't leave.

Comes back to that whole closure thing that I guess I need in order to let go.

It's strange,

and perfectly annoying.

I just can't concentrate.

Ever see something that you know wasn't intended for you to see?

it plays over and over in my head.

and I just want to forget it... But I can't.
and i'm sure i'll always remember it.
I just have that type of memory....



There's no more of a reason to continue with this...
 
 
 

*drops mic*