Well Kept.

I was looking forward to him.
ya know, like a small child looks forward to candy.
Like the anticipation of that same lullaby being sung every night since you were a baby
by the sweetest voice you ever heard
beautiful.
The anticipation of his presence is a sweet one.
Although he's more of an acquired taste, he's my favorite flavor.
I savor every work spoken
And every word not spoken.
I. Don’t. Know. What. It. is.

So why am I blogging about it?

*kanye shrug*

But boy, do I yearn for something that will never be mine.


A huge part of me wants to be completely selfish and yell ever ounce of my heart right in his face.
But who am I to care?
Who am I to give a shit about my feelings above anyone else’s?
Sound kind of terrible, I know.

And it may even sound like I’m being a sarcastic bitch.

But I’m not.

Just stating how I am.

And as badly as I want to change that …

right now …

in this situation …

is just not the right time to change it.

Perhaps it is and I’m reading everything all wrong.
But my heart says otherwise.

*drop kicks mic*

Nonsense

So I haven't blogged in awhile- blah blah blah

A lot has been going on. Internally though, not so much externally. I've been in this tug'o war with my heart an I feel like cutting it out of my chest, handing it to him and walking away cos really, it's doing me no good.

*sigh*

Call me pessimistic but this fuckin shit makes me wanna scream!!

My cup is definitely have empty.
But only bc you won't stop sipping from it.

I'm not one to give up. I use to be. Had this been me back in high school, my high yellow ass would have given in to defeat as soon as it showed its ugly head. But now... Now I feel like giving up just isn't in me anymore...but damn, how I feel it creeping up.

I'm laughing at myself now because I'm pretty sure anyone that reads this is gonna say, "huh?" Cos' ya know, when ya want ya blog to get popular u should keep it more universal.. What people like...what people understand...
Oh yeah?
Well fuck you, I'm not universal, I'm just me.
#FuckOutMyFace
:)

*drops mic*
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Choose Your Battles.

It’s a must nowadays. It seems these last few months of my life have been one big game of chess. Every move I make has been affecting someone else in some way. Now I do realize that life has always been like this, but it seems I’ve been more aware of it now more than ever. It seems as if I’m actually moving these pieces purposely to get what I want.

Sounds terrible, huh? Let me reword.

It’s not exactly about getting what I want or having something play out in my favor (or else a lot of shit would be different) but it’s about what I know will happen with time instead of right now. I’m not living so much for right now, as much as I am for the future. I make my moves based on what I feel will happen in due time. Stupid? Nah, I say wise. Because what I know I want in the future, I really can do without right now.

Think about it…

Many things have popped up between friends and handling that has proven to be a problem for me as well as with others. I’m taking the backseat with information I have and letting everyone’s life play out the way it will. But it’s hard. It’s hard to know something that will ultimately break a friends heart. It’s even harder to feel a certain way about someone but have to keep it inside. Sometimes things are better left unsaid, but those unspoken words can destroy you.

Right?

You can’t exactly open your mouth at every given point. Well you can, but that’s not very tactful. Nor is it smart. Never let another know how you’re playing the game. Keep your next move quiet or else the right people will take it the wrong way and ultimately you’ll end up losing way more than you bargained for.

Remember, choose your battles wisely.

*drops mic*