In The End...

I'm not what you think i am.

I'm nothing of what you want me to be.

And i'll never be anything you dreamed of.

But I guarantee my heart is something you wouldn't be able to let go of.

but it's not for sale.

I make the mistake of admitting things when I shouldn't.

 It's like, I tell myself I'm going to put myself and my "feelings" first but once I do, 

I don't like the feeling.

 Or the reaction.

So..I'm going to continue to hold it in until someone comes around worthy enough to open up to.

and i wonder..

when i look at you..

((shrugs))

I'm not looking for anything although I do realize my words may describe things a bit differently.

Either way, they're just words.

Words that I ramble on with and happen to put together in a fucked up way.

Regardless...

I find myself telling a story.

 a simple one,

a true one.

 A story I can never seem to finish.

I use to find myself obsessed with the need to know what's going to happen next,

or where something was going.

I now find myself just letting go.

 letting shit happen..

I've acually had my feelings hurt more this way because I'm a little less cautious,

but if I spend my life trying to figure everything out before it happens, I'll miss it.

Life.

So here I am, rambling on.

Not telling a tale, but focusing on a tale that needs to be told.

I'll keep quiet though,

and one day I'll find someone worth opening up to.

till then,

(iWrite)

>drops mic<

Interestingly enough...

I can't sit here an pretend I don't think about you much more than i know i should.

I can't sit here an act as if there isnt something particulary special about your presence that i can't cope with..

it's quite succulent actuallly.

I feel this happening and i think im awfully foolish but at the same time, shit happens. I just have to learn how to roll with the punches.

I feel like i lied to someone a few months back... but i guess it wasnt a lie, just a misguided feeling. If he's reading this, he knows what i speak of.

I'm not foolish, just a bit..misguided at times. Which sometimes brings me on an emotional rollercoaster ride that i frequently feel the need to vomit from just to rid myself of such emotions. throw it all up and walk away.

Ive realized my want for something turned into a misunderstood need and in the end all i could do was question wether or not i can put the want away and truly feel..without wanting it.

((if that makes sense))

So i stopped wanting and emotionally i felt amazing. I don't want to fall in-love, i dont want a boyfriend, i dont want to cuddle, i dont want to look for it.. I'll let it find me.

the worst part of all this and point of this blog;

its only when you want nothing, that someone comes around and make you feel like you need the world.

Feel...

When it comes this natural, it's scary. because i never naturally felt like im blindly walking into someone (without wanting to do so).

I didn't want this to happen, but i feel it happening...

but there's something so addicting about the natural feeling of this.



(drops mic)